I Hate Seattle

OMG I have so much to say I don't know if I can contain myself. I've lived here for 14 years after living in Boston for several years and growing up in the Midwest. Seriously, I have never encountered more weirdos than I have in Seattle!

Midwesterners are honest people. They're straightforward AND nice at the same time. No bullshit. East Coast people are straightforward but some sensitive folks call it rude. Whatever.

So I moved here and right away started hearing about how pissed the locals are that people are moving here. Really? Why so angry? I hate to break it to you, but Seattle is a big city. It's not Chicago, Boston, NYC, or L.A., but it's a major city that people have heard of. Every big city has people moving in and out at all times. I'm not sure why the yokels here have such a problem with it. Get a grip! Or better yet, move to a small town and start breeding with your family members and shut up!

Regarding the passive-aggressive attitude, the Seattle Freeze, rude people, or whatever you wanna call it - it exists! Even locals will admit it that they're anti-social. I'm a cool, fun, social person, and I cannot tell you how many friends I've "been through" over the years. Many people have come in and out of my life and apparently no one here really values your friendship unless you've known them since birth.

People smile that little disgusting smirk to your face, but as soon as you walk away, they start talking shit. Or they email you and say shit that they're too wimpy to say in person. You know, because they want to be perceived as "nice", which apparently cannot be combined with "genuine" on any level here in Seattle. They've got the definition of "nice" all wrong. I would rather you told me to my face that you didn't like me so I'd stop wasting my time with you. I don't want fake-ass bitches for friends; I like real people, thanks.

And don't get me started on those damn eco-terrorist, earthy-crunchy, self-righteous vegan pseudo-hippies! If you're not glaring at me from your Prius as I drive down the street to my "ugly condo" in my SUV, you're trying to run me down with your bike as I walk through a crosswalk. Oh I'm sorry, does the fact that I am a homeowner bother you? You are free to keep on growing those dredlocks, wearing clothes you found in a dumpster, living in your moldy basement apartment and working at the co-op if you'd like....I prefer a better lifestyle and I'm not going to apologize for it. It's not called gentrification, it's called growing up.

That is all for now....I'm sure I'll get worked up about something else soon....

I went to Vancouver this weekend with a friend who is interning at Microsoft and my 14mo baby. Walking up a busy street, I spaced out at the same time a street cafe waitress was backing out the door to her establishment. We crashed into each other. She stopped, looked me in the eye and apologized sincerely. When she saw I was carrying a child she got even more sincere and apologetic. I also apologized. We had a normal human interaction. Why am I writing about this? Why did normal human behavior merit such close attention? You all know.

i moved to seattle a couple days ago, and my first day i found THE perfect couch on craigslist. it was exactly what i wanted and it had just been posted! i called, told the woman my name and phone number, where i was and how much i loved the couch.
me: "i'm getting in the car now and going to an atm. i'll be at your house in 25 minutes- is that okay with you?"
she said yes, and i was there in less than 20.
me: "hi i'm outside your house- green one right?"
her: "the couch has been sold. i just sold it to this guy."
me: "what? but... but i drove straight here and i just spoke with you less than 20 minutes ago..."
her: "well it's gone. craigslist is whoever gets here first. tough luck." *click*
i went nuts. i'm from chicago where people tell you shit to your face. i was standing outside her house and she didn't even have the decency to come to the door. not only this but in the car ride there i had gone on and on about how she sounded like the first nice person i'll have met in seattle. everyone had been rude. irate i started screaming obscenities (i'm a young cute girl so it's not like i'm scary), i even screamed at her neighbor who was gardening. "your neighbor in the green house is a F******* B****" was someone about to cut off her dick if she didn't give them 125$ in the next 10 minutes? does she owe money to the freaking mob? the funniest thing was as i yelled and cursed and called her by name NO ONE reacted! for a good 4 or 5 minutes i screamed and not even the neighbor gardening 20 feet away could be bothered to look at me! she just kept staring at her damn dirt like even it was above me. when i got home i tried to forget about it, and thought that i did. i went out drinking with a friend and had a bit too much... the next morning i realized between shots of jaegermeister and puking i had sent the couch woman about 25 text messages, basically repeating my obscene rant outside her house. there was only one message in my inbox: "i think you have the wrong number."
i didn't have the wrong number... she is just a rotten self-centered shrew.