I Hate Seattle

Hell is not hot. Hell is cold. Hell is actually freezing. It is. I know this because I currently reside in Hell. Seattle is Hell. Hell is abandonment. Hell is duplicity and not knowing who to trust. Hell is not being able to be yourself. Hell is eternal judgement. Seattle is the enforcer of such petty judgements. Hell is being frozen out of connection with other human beings. Hell is contagious. You live here long enough, you become a tormentor, circulating the cold breeze that permeates the soul of this city. Hell is self doubt. Hell is madness. Madness originates in a singular, lonely state of mind. Me and my wife are working hard to get the fuck outta this Hell-hole. We are surviving off of every last drop of spiritual warmth we can generate in the meantime until we finally do leave. This has nothing to do with religion. It has everything to do with staying positive in a negative place. Progression and intellectual propriety be damned if it means feeling like this. I would rather live in the fucking Bible belt with people spouting off religious jargon, as long as there is a little bit of warmth. Just a little. Just a little sincerity. Just a little eye contact. Just a little conversation. Just a little realness. Hell is an illusion. Quit making it so fucking real.

where was I in my explosive rant? Oh yes, passive aggression.

I never heard of passive aggression until I came here. In the south it is almost non-exsistent. You say what you mean, and mean what you say. And if you are delicate with words, then that's what you are, delicate. There's nothing wrong with tact and diplomacy, but you still say what you have to say. Here, people will judge you relentlessly, without even getting to know you, and then close off any possible way of ever reconciling your differences. You are simply DEAD to them, and you haven't even given them a reason to be pissed off. If you had, there's no way of knowing it, because they just won't SAY IT.

Hell, maybe they feel it's not worth it to get to know you. People here seem to pride themselves on having Darwinian standards for everything. If you're not attractive or without the resources they are currently on the prowl for, then you're not worth getting to know. Now, they won't own this crass shallowness. At least your LA socialite has a certain self awareness of his superficiality, and will usually wear it on his sleeve. Seattlelites will just feign ignorance. They have a delusional justification for everything....

So why am I still here, you ask? Because I moved here from the sticks of Bama, and this is the first city i've ever lived in. I figured I would give it a benefit of a doubt. I haven't been a complete hermit since my arrival either. I've made just enough flimsy acquaintances to pull me through. Two years ago, I met a wonderful girl, from here no less, and we are now happily married.

I still don't really have any friends other than my wife. But you know what, I can't go around pointing my finger at my environment without also pointing the finger at myself. The one thing I can say about this place is that with it's numbing rain, isolation and intellectual leanings it forces you to be introspective. I have grown more, spirtually and mentally, in Seattle, than in the 21 formative years I spent in Alabama.

I will always see Seattle's shortcomings, and believe me, I will continue to post (perhaps less epicly). Now if I can make only one good, solid, male friend then I will be socially content.