Fuck Seattle.
I was formerly a "lifelong" resident of Seattle until I recently got the fuck out of that miserable pisshole, and detest it beyond description. Whether it is the earth-saving, SUV-driving soccer moms, the bumper-sticker "Save Darfur" activists, the would-be quasi-spiritual hippies with their flannel, smug expressions exaggerated by vaginal-looking facial hair, the latte liberals, the pseudo-intellectual dipshits of the University District, the absolute dearth of racial diversity (Seattle is the most racially homogenized city with a population over 500,000 in the United States- 75% white, almost all of whom are German-Norwegian descended; dare I say a degenerative mix of), the lack of ethnic food save for two-star Asian restaurants and Gyro stands, the unspoken contempt for fellow man, the despicably antisocial behavior, the pervasive passive aggression, the big-dicked obsession with authority and the enforcement of the pettiest of laws, the insincerity, the sexual dysfunction, the aloof, "I Am Bitch" women who despise attractive men and stimulate themselves only with the dildos attached to their bicycle seats, the dormant restaurants on a Saturday night, the fact that the municipality lacks tenable public transportation whilst trying to consider itself a bastion of progressivism--I really don't know. The fact that there is nothing to do other than stay inside and watch movies that you rented from some jack-off at Scarecrow. The city shuts down BEFORE DUSK. I just fucking hate the place. Seattle residents adore the smell of their own flatulence, for that matter. This is a city that has seen its best days (The early 90's). And what amuses me most are those ignorant, arrogant fools who deem Seattle: A. A world class city, which it is most certainly not, and
B. The Mecca of the Pacific Northwest (Drive two hours north to Vancouver for some real class and sophistication).
An anecdote: I grew up on Phinney Avenue in Fremont. The neighborhood had character during the days of my youth-- brick houses, rentals with crusting paint and unkempt lawns, the backyard where my sister and I would pluck plumbs and fight over who got to sit in the tree, dudes with freshly-brewed coffee in hands standing out in the street outside of Lighthouse Roasters on a Monday morning playing hacky sack while the neighborhood cats sauntered about. The days when Gary Payton lobbed alley-oops to the Reign Man, "Big Smooth" hit three-pointers with grace and ease; you could hear the whites AND blacks roaring TOGETHER downtown; Griffey slamming bombs inside the Kingdome while Lou Piniella tore up home plates and hurled them in rage. The neighborhood changed drastically for the worse after 2000, when the rentals were sold and turned into duplexes, the lawns were removed, the cats got locked up inside 1-bedroom apartments, and the Range Rovers began lining the streets. This city has lost its character, become corporatized, gentrified; the ghosts of my fabled memories still walk the same streets where I used to pick blackberries while the "Fat Lady" would scream at me from her basement level apartment.
This "town" is dead to me. Gone. Lost. Unsalvageable.
FUCK SEATTLE.