I Hate Seattle

the sun has set harder than december in alaska on seattle sports.

mariners- cursed by the baffling refusal to acknowledge that the dismissal of randy johnson is the biggest personnel gaffe since babe ruth. the same people that said randy was finished after he saved baseball in seattle before winning FIVE cy youngs, also canned the athlete who does the most for the community, jamie moyer, in time for him to win a world series elsewhere. the american league worst m's are the first team to lose 100 games with a $100 million payroll. our loyal attendance was third in the league minus the two lesbians kicked out of safeco for kissing during the big screen "kiss cam".

seahawks- first egomaniac mike holmgren thought he could be the only person ever to succeed as president, general manager and coach. then he insisted on a style of play as tenuous and fragile as his starting quarterback selection, who has always seemed a hard hit away from not being around to play in the games he's paid almost a million bucks per. how about not ever using the shotgun formation for almost a decade, or not throwing the ball farther than 15 yards downfield, even when JERRY RICE IS WEARING STEVE LARGENT'S #80 in a playoff game at home! thinking you're philosophy is better than the fundamentals of football is insulting to the game. that's like playing basketball and never shooting long distance jumpers...

supersonics- sweet jesus make the hurt stop.

http://blog.newsok.com/berrytramel/2008/11/20/thunder-attendance-least-of-nbas-problems/

udub huskies- n.o.p. thinks that oregon's nike is subverting us by providing soft ass lavendar and straw yellow jerseys instead of the dark purple and deep gold worn by royalty and the dominant huskies of don james. remember how they looked when they were a play away from beating USC last year? that's right. they ditched the dorky plum shirts for the oldschool and played like it. now we might not win till 2011.

rest in peace tubaman, the first one's for you

just a little reminder of our false premise...

91 year old woman without ID kicked out of bar

http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=20080120&slug=danny20

Can anyone ask Sherman Alexie to shut the fuck up? If I have to listen to " our cultural voice of the Supersonics" turn this depressing mix of greedy big business and lame politics into his expression of uncomfortably irrelevant feelings any longer, I might really act like a drunk Indian.

It got beyond weird after a cringe worthy comparison of Seattle's long basketball tradition to a place where popcorn and cucumber sandwiches are free and tasty, complete with half dressed men traipsing about. Immediately defensive after his court appearance, he boasted he hadn't felt any nerves fronting for Supersonic pride and history. "I've been representing the voice of Native Americans for 15 years, so this actually felt lighter." But a few weeks later in a cover story for The Stranger, Sherm gives us 61 things he learned during the trial.

#1 ironically was, "I've given thousands of speeches, readings, and interviews...but the trial testimony in Seattle vs. Sonics was by far the most terrifying and stressful public speaking gig I've ever had to endure."

#2 was NOT, "I realized that I am a fiction writer for young adults and completely not qualified to comment on the impact of this franchise to the beautiful cultural fabric of this city of which I am but a thread."

#3 was NOT, "Despite the presence of those skilled in the translation of Seattle Culture to the International Corporate, I did not seek them, because I am witty."

The funny guy’s full list is available here:

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=631015&hp

Here is the p-i post trial story on the literary giant:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2008007994_sonitrialside20.html