I Hate Seattle

I don't know if this has been posted on here, but I thought it was funny and very very true.

Print and cut out this card, which has the 10 most likely responses you'll get from Seattleites if you bring up any negatives about their city. Wait for the discussion to end, hand them this card, and tell them to have a nice day. Better yet, if you're a betting person, bet them that you already know their responses and then hand this to them to collect your prize.
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1. That happens EVERYWHERE (response to a negative observation about Seattle)
2. Statistically, Seattle is top in ____
3. Oh, yeah? I visited [city name here] and it was a terrible place; I'd never go back, good luck to you.
4. Well, you're not from here, so you don't know.
5. Maybe if you changed your attitude the natives would like you. Sounds like you don't spend enough time outside. This is all your fault.
6. It's not us, it's the rude transplants who are giving you a hard time.
7. You must not be very well educated if you're criticizing Seattle. By the way, that was improper use of that word you just said, FYI.
8. If you don't like it, go home (this one cracks me up whenever said/posted in response to a person's gripe is that people in Seattle aren't very welcoming).
9. Oh, sure, it rains here, but it's so mild most of the year, you don't notice -- it's really warm and sunny in the summer, in fact, it can get downright balmy. Did you know that Seattle actually gets fewer inches of rain that New York, Miami, etc..?
10. Traffic, well, yeah, traffic could be better, but it still only takes me 10 minutes to get from Pike Place to Bellevue.

What did I tell you? Pretty true, huh?

Why the fuck won't it stop being cold and rainy? I looked at a temperature map of America today, and it's at least 75 everywhere except for Seattle. Even Juneau, Alaska is warmer. And the real kicker is that the forecast for next week looks exactly the same. Rain and cold. Where's summer?

Anyways, I thought I should share this since someone else mentioned the whole "rude bicyclist" thing. It's the kind of shit that could only happen in Seattle.

So one day, I'm going to classes at UW and I'm about to cross a street. The light turns green and I start crossing. Suddenly this biker comes out of nowhere and damn nearly runs me over. I yell "watch where you're going asshole." This guy comes back and decides to start an argument with me. He starts lecturing me about traffic laws or something like that, all the while swearing like a sailor. I tell the guy to fuck off and give him the finger. He says he's sorry I feel that way and rides off. I start walking to class again. A couple minutes later, this douchebag rides past me and punches me in the back of the head, then rides off as fast as he can. I yelled at him to get back here if he wanted a fight, but he just kept going. And there was no way I could run faster than his bike to catch up to him.

I called the cops, but they couldn't find him. Typical rude Seattle biker.

Seattleites have got to be the most socially retarded people I've ever encountered. Seriously.

First off, nobody makes eye contact. Weirdest thing. They either look at the wall behind you or your shoulder or the floor, but they never make eye contact. Not sure why.

Secondly, everybody communicates by email. People don't really talk to each other. They sit in front of their laptops sipping their 5 dollar lattes writing their blogs or some shit.

People here are terrified of conflict. Once I had a job at a local healthcare facility. Anyways, I was there for about 8 months. I thought things were going very well. I got along well with my coworkers and my supervisors as well. One day my main supervisor calls me in to her office and lets me know that it's just not working out and that I'm getting fired. I obviously ask her why. She tells me that there's all these reports about me about how terrible of a worker I am and that several supervisors have talked to me about my behavior at work. I ask her to let me know what's written in those reports. She tells me that they're confidential and that I can't see them. I also let her know that no supervisor has talked to me about any problem at work (this is God's honest truth). I was actually to ask for a pay raise a couple of weeks later. She replies that they assure her they have. It was a very upsetting time for me and I racked my mind for weeks trying to figure out what I did wrong. Anyways, I still don't know why I got fired from there. I guess people here are just terrified of conflict.

Women here are grotesquely ugly. Overweight, don't take care of themselves, weird dreadlocks, chick mohawks, a lot of them just look like hobos. I'd say about half the women here are lesbians anyways. The rest are very frumpy and unapproachable. My neighbor lady wears sweatpants, a parka, and a backpack every day to work. Oh yea, and hiking boots. Thankfully, I have a wonderful girlfriend and don't have to play the dating game in Seattle.

Men here are grotesquely ugly too. Skinny bodies, skinny jeans, thick ass glasses, weird facial hair, kinda smelly half the time, no balls whatsoever. If you're a single woman, Seattle is basically hell.

Seriously, most awful people imaginable.

How closed-minded the people are.

There's this idea that Seattleites have stuck in their head. It's the idea that everyone in Seattle is very openminded. This hasn't been the case, in my personal experiences. Seattleites are very accepting of you as long as you prescribe to their brand of far left wing ideology. And don't you disagree with them! Overall, I've found Seattle to have a very groupthink "sheeple" mentality. Everybody basically has the same opinion on every social issue and people are often very insulting towards those with dissenting opinions.

Example. Try telling a Seattleite that you don't approve of President Obama. Once in a conversation regarding politics, I mentioned how I disapproved of the stimulus package and reckless spending. I backed up my viewpoint and I thought I made a pretty good argument. Apparently what the two Seattleites I was talking to heard was "I'm a small town hick and I hate Obama because he's black." Anyways, the conversation immediately turned from politics to how basically anyone that disagrees with Obama is a racist. I don't know. Perhaps the Seattleites just weren't able to comprehend my alternate viewpoint.

Like I said, Seattle is full of sheeple. It's very conservative, in a liberal kind of way. If that makes any sense..