I Hate Seattle

So I was walking downtown the other day, and there were just massive puddles everywhere in the street, it was impossible to cross the street without having to wade through several inches of water. WTF, you'd think that a city where it rains 10+ months every year could manage to figure out drainage issues.

Then there's my apartment. I'm renting, but the building is condos. And not one of condos that was originally an apartment they hastily converted during the housing boom, it was originally built to be condos from the start. But it's still the typical Seattle cheap-ass plywood/particleboard slum with granite countertops. By Seattle standards this is supposed to be considered high-end. But by any other standard it is crap. The elevator also breaks down about once a month. One of the elevators at my office breaks down on a regular basis as well. It's like the sort of maintenance level you expect from abandoned slums in Detroit, except we're paying top dollar for it here.

Then there are the power outages, which seem to happen at least once every other month. During the last one the emergency backup power system also failed, which meant that if I left the building I would be locked out as the key fob scanner no longer worked.

And then there's the completely incompetent drivers, the pathetic excuse for a transit system, the abysmally bad customer service at restaurants and just about everywhere, and good luck getting anything repaired properly (that is even if they show up)... etc....

It seems like like no matter how big or how small, how simple or complicated a job or task, you can count on Seattlites to fuck it up. In "flyover country", the South (all the places Seattle likes to act superior to) they do a better job at almost anything compared to here. Hell, I've seen better work ethic in most third world countries. Seattle is like living in an episode of "Green Acres", but even less funny.

Has anyone else ever noticed that it's nearly impossible to have a conversation here that even vaguely hints at topics like politics, the economy, the environment, etc, without someone launching into a tinfoil hat batshit crazy conspiracy theory rant?

Here are a couple of good ones I have heard recently:

- A guy at work was trying to convince people that Alan Greenspan was a real-life Francisco D'Anconia -- part of some diabolical plot to intentionally destroy the world economy.

- The one friend I have who is actually from here told me that just before Obama was elected, his mother was going around saying that Bush was going to use bird flu as an excuse to declare martial law and instill himself in office for a third term. The thing that really struck me as bizarre was how he said it with a completely straight face, like there was nothing unusual about this statement.

So I've seen many discussions on city-data.com and other places about the "Seattle Freeze", meaning that people here are so overwhelmingly nice, but just won't make close friendships. It's continually emphasized how politeness is supposed to be a core part of the Seattle character (unlike "out east" which as we all know from listening to the descriptions of Seattleites is some sort of post-apocalyptic dystopia awash with violence and cruelty at every turn).

However, I haven't observed politeness in Seattle people at all.

Let's see, where should I start.... Whenever I come across a neighbor in my apartment building I always give them a warm hello. 90% of the time they just continue to stare at their feet while breathing through their mouths. Once in a while I might get an unintelligible grunting noise. I guess that counts as a greeting in Seattle-speak? One fellow was so distraught that I made a casual mention about the current weather condition that he literally slammed his shoulder hard against the elevator door because he couldn't get out fast enough.

Then if I walk out onto the street, there is usually at least one pile of dog crap on the sidewalk. I guess "polite" people like leaving messes for others to step in? And as was mentioned already on other threads, while trying to walk anywhere people have a real penchant for plowing right into you even if they have the rest of the sidewalk to use. Bicyclists are, of course, too busy saving the earth to have any consideration for inconsequential things like laws or pedestrians.

And then there are the drivers.... Well, there have already been so many threads about how terrible Seattle drivers are that I don't feel the need to reiterate, but in the context of politeness it's pretty obvious that Northwesterners sure as hell don't give a shit about the well-being of anyone else around them when they are behind the wheel.

Customer service? Don't even get me started. It is just so obviously and consistently worse here than anywhere else I have ever lived or visited. I've never had so many people who I was trying to give money to treat me like shit.

The only place I've seen anything vaguely resembling politeness in the Northwest is Portland, but there is still a stiff, forced demeanor about it, like an 8-year-old who knows they have to smile and say "please" and "thank you" only because their parents are standing right behind them. It comes across as insincere and fake, but at least they're making some sort of effort, I suppose.

So anyway, is there some special place or time I need to go to in order to observe Seattle politeness? Like only on the second Thursday of month in Magnolia when the stars and planets are aligned in some magical way? I would seriously like to know. I am very much looking forward to my first experience with Seattle politeness.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_League_of_Gentlemen

No, I'm not talking about the Hollywood film from a few years ago with a similar title. This is a sitcom that aired on BBC in the late 90's. I'm a big fan of British comedy, and discovered this one just recently (it was created by the same guys as Psychoville).

The story revolves around a small, remote village in England, and their strained interactions with the outside world which is slowly beginning to encroach upon them. What does this have to do with Seattle you might ask? Well, just about everything. Even though it is purely coincidental, after watching a few episodes it almost feels like the writers intentionally set out to make a parody of the Northwest -- the disdain for (while having a bizarre obsession with) non-locals, the passive-aggressiveness, the pettiness, the incompetence and lack of work ethic, the bad facial hair, the transsexual taxi driver who gives endless details about his treatments to people who don't really want to hear about it, the constant rain/overcast, etc...

So if anyone is interested, go to isohunt.com and search for "the league of gentlemen." First though, you'll need a bittorrent client if you don't have one already. I recommend uTorrent -- it allows you to download just a few episodes at a time if you like, which is good because the entire package is like 8GB.

http://cheapshitcondos.com

Yes, this is actually a website (I'm not affiliated with it) about to the crappy state of housing in this backwards excuse for a city. (Another addition to the plethora of websites and facebook groups dedicated to getting the word out on how much this place blows...)

Anyway, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one out there that finds the idea of slapping some corrugated siding on a run-down 1950's motel and a sign on the front that says "Live Urban" absolutely absurd.

In other parts of the country that ignorant Seattle-tards love to slam (even though they have never been there), it is usually not that hard to find a decently-built apartment or condo, especially at the exorbitant prices they charge here.

It's pretty ironic how their supposed environmental policies have made it nearly impossible for developers to replace dilapidated old buildings, and even when they do it has to be yet another one of these particleboard abortions that nobody in their right mind would want to live in. Not surprisingly this is mainly just resulting in massive sprawl and traffic congestion in every direction. Liberal, my ass. These people are just a bunch of lazy hillbillies with their heads in the sand.